


My Insane World

by Gallavicher (Gobblepotle)



Series: As If Uk [1]
Category: As If (UK)
Genre: Canon Gay Relationship, Canon Relationships, Cheating, Depression, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/F, F/M, Heterosexual Character, M/M, Mood Swings, Multi, Suicide Attempt, Trains
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-01-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22260283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gobblepotle/pseuds/Gallavicher
Series: As If Uk [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1602364
Kudos: 1





	1. Train Tracks Part 1

[sooz talking to the viewer].: 'There's 6 thousand million people on this earth and only one that truly understand you and that's you.'

All started with a morning...  
(Alarm clock goes off) "I hate mornings" sooz say trying to wake up

At the school break... She found a depressed Alex

"Can't sleep, can't eat, can't watch tv, i listen to the radio and looks like every song is about us"... Alex say while sooz watch him with a (you're pathetic face) before talking to the viewer 'Came to think of it, i hate afternoon too'

"Why he won't talk to me sooz" Alex keep talking

"Sooz?", "are you listening to me?" Alex ask to an uninterested sooz

"Yes, unfortunately" Sooz reply with an annoyed face

"Look Alex, if you're looking for someone to bring the light to your life, you're looking at the wrong person" Sooz tell Alex with an uninterested but honest face

"Why can't he see how much I love him?" Alex ask with a depressive daydreaming expression

"Because the only he can see is you having a grand escape with desperate Dan" Sooz tells Alex

"And come on Alex, it was your own fault, see you later" Sooz say before getting up and leaving the place before she start to digging her own grave to not keep listening Alex past love life troubles

'He got a lot to do with his own rubbish, not dump them in someone else' Sooz tells to The viewer

'Life's like one of those films people tells you to go and see, and after a while you're like... Yeah, so? Nothing happening that I haven't seen before' Sooz keep talking to the viewer

Later that day...

'Normaly I wouldn't come to this sort of things, but Rob has been really sweet and I can't be a party pooper all your life, can you?' Sooz tells to the viewer

After all that mess of a party Sooz and Jamie choose to go out for a walk, have fun, talk about life and mend their broken relationship, just to end up in the train station.


	2. Train Tracks Part 2

She sees the train and all memories came back to her.

All started on a cold saturday afternoon when they got out of Rob house, leaving him with a few issues to solve on his own, they decided they weren't so tired so they go for a walk, a walk that ended in a bar to end up chatting about things, which it was like they were talking about themselves in third person, the time passed by very fast, it was already sunday morning, sooz by now feeling a little bit tired, Jamie apologise for had taken her right to use a bed by taking her in a long, long walk, they kinda said the "good bye" both didn't walked away so far from eachother, as she turned away in a very shy way, he was searching if he had some money in his pockets, not enough for a bus ride to home, she only had a pound, that wouldn't take her anywhere, so they decided to keep walking and talking about random stuff to pass the time, till they hit the train station...

"Anyways, if I were god, we wouldn't have any worries, I would be looking up to everybody, if I'm not busy cracking jokes" Jamie say as he snort a laugh He finds sooz a little bit distracted near the train tracks...

"Sooz?" Jamie say... She still standing like a zombie in front of the train tracks.

A memory of being crying another day comes to her mind, she remember herself walking to the train station and standing very closer to the end of the station floor, like wanting to jump in front of the train tracks, but standing still instead, but very closer to the train who was coming faster in the distance.

"Sooz?" Jamie reply.

She still distracted, thinking about what she could have done that other day.  
Thinking about the train getting closer and closer, she trying to get closer to the train tracks at the same time, and of course she wasn't thinking straight at that time.

All of sudden Jamie didn't had a better idea than grab her by her hips making her come out of her trance and jumping scared, only to turn and see her boyfriend as she start to hit him as she scream at his face in rage...

"What are you doing? you stupid idiot" She said.

"Is just a joke" he reply

"Well, would you like if I do that to you?" She replied angry.

"everything is just a joke to you" she keep saying

"Sooz, I'm sorry" Jamie said.

"How you could be so insensitive" Sooz reply as she walk away from him

Jamie knew that what he did was pretty damn wrong as he see her walking away, he started walking towards her, hoping to catch her before she disappear.

"I didn't think, I mean I forgot" Jamie says

"Stop following me" sooz reply as start walking in another direction

"So stop walking away of me then sooz" Jamie reply

Sooz remember that one time they fought and she had told him 'excuse me for living' she had that moment of her life in her mind.

"What happened?" he ask her,

"You know what happened" she reply as she remember another bit of her encounter with the train

"I don't know" he replied... "nothing happened" she say... "tell me" he reply... "you wouldn't understand" she say as she walks away from him now faster than before

"Please sooz, I need to know, we never talk about this" he say... "it wouldn't mean anything" she reply

"It's finish, it's over, it's in the past" she keeps saying with broken voice

"So, why can't you tell me?" he ask her looking for answers

"I didn't wanted to go on being who am I ok" she storms out of his way faster than before now.

he walks faster to reach at where she is going and he say "There is nothing wrong with the way you are"

"No, I'm a perfect specimen" she say in a low sarcastic voice as she keep walking away from him

"I think so" jamie reply

"Jamie, that's the problem, I don't want to feel that way" she scream as she turnaround facing jamie

All of sudden Jamie stops, fighting to himself to say what he trully thinks about her

 **"Wake up sooz"** he says loud, as she stop walking

 **"how you think I would feel if you"** he cut himself before say **THE WORD**... "well. If I ever could of" he say without saying 'lose you' but giving her the clue

Sooz turn around to meet his face, "a few days, or maybe weeks and then you will forget I ever existed" she says with a serious low tone.

as she start walking again from her boyfriend as he screams... **"HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?"**

 **"ALL I DO IS MAKE YOU MISERABLE"** she scream, **"YOU MAKE ME HAPPY"** he reply screaming too. "God" he sigh as he walks towards her trying to hug her and she ignores him

" **Don't**... Touch, me" she says with a broken voice "if you want someone to touch, then go back to nicky" she reply

 **"SOOZ, OK i'M SORRY, I WONT TOUCH YOU"** he scream as he get closer to her who already started escaping from him

he reach to where she is and walk in front of her blocking her way out

"I know I'm a prat, all I wanna do is make you smile" he says now with a calm voice

"I just want you to be the way you are when we are having fun" he reply

"I can't, I know how you want me to be, jamie, I can't be like that" she says as she turns away from his face

"Doesn't matter, it doesn't" he reply

"I love you" he say as sooz turns around again to not meet his face as she start crying with her hands on her face

"You are alright?" he ask concerned... "I got a fly in my eye" she lies

"Yeah, there is a plage coming from france, from all europe if i'm not wrong" he says as she start laughing when she hear what his idiot boyfriend just said.

""Sorry" he say "Didn't get on it" he reply

"You should find yourself another girlfriend jamie" sooz say as jamie walks to be in front of her. "one that is not so screwed up" she keep saying now with calm in her voice

"We are all screwed up" jamie says, "you don't know" she reply, "maybe that's why we get on" he say

"We are ying and yang?" he say as they put their forehead together as a sign of 'we are screwed up, but we are screwed up together' and their eyes meet eachpther as a little smile in eachother faces.

lately that day sooz finally in her home after had a whole day with her boyfriend, in her own bed all alone with her laptop, she sigh and think to herself... "How can he feel that way about me?" she ask herself... "I don't even feel that way about myself" and then she turn off her laptop and fall asleep.


End file.
